The words of the song that didn’t have too much logics or proof if IQ were still in my head from the previous karaoke night..but, coincidence, fun fact or whatever it was..that’s exactly how I was feeling.
I do experience a time in my life when things just can’t stop from happening! The good thing- I don’t get bored, and God is taking me places that I wouldn’t have been able to experience before. Still, on a background of changes in many important areas in my life I was experiencing a time of relative emotional stability (and I was quite surprised by that fact). I was happy thinking that maybe meanwhile I have grown wiser, and I am able to enjoy it having in mind that there is a reason and a purpose for everything under the sun. But there comes this week, when I start feeling sick. And with all that, I start loosing interest in anything that was a social activity in my schedule before that..and hey, with a good excuse: I’m sick, I don’t feel well! Have I left my guards down for just a little bit, I don’t know! But I have started to feel another virus, that was operating not against my immune system…but the emotional one. I felt ..down…ground level..or lower, if there’s such thing. And I didn’t really know how did I get there. Everything seemed to be ok, until this sleepless night when memories and emotions belonging to the past returned to my mind..replacing the relative calm with a big time distress.

Well, not that it was the first time anything like this ever happened to me, and what I have learnt so far is that in order to fight against it, you must first understand what is the cause, where is it coming from..and what is it? Because once you have that figured out, you can look for the right weapons. When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s only its Maker that has the solution. We can only delude ourselves we can do anything about it. Because we really can’t! And you know what..you might be surprised, but these matters are important to God. He does take care of them as soon as we ask Him to….so…I was staring to feel so sorry for myself and trying to figure out how in the world did I end up in this valley again..when I happen to remember that I had missed the last week’s church service. And I am so thankful for the online archive they have..and I go there, because for some reason all of a sudden I really wanted to listen to it so. And surprise: sermon title: REJOICE ALWAYS! I’m like..oh great! it was the last thing I felt like doing! But I did listen to it, and I am so glad I did. I got to hear examples of other people going through difficult times in their lives, I mean..I really could’t compare my situation to any incurable diseases others had to struggle with, or anything close to that. And I got to hear how those people some way were able to praise God through that. I have honestly started to feel so ashamed, and ask God to forgive me. I have also remembered about my pastor’s advice not long ago: oh, you think you are doing so bad? Why don’t you go volunteer for a little bit in an orphanage, or a nursing home?

It gets to be difficult sometimes, but I want to praise God for His love and patience with me every day! The health I have, the awesome family, great friends and countless blessings every single day! I’ll try to keep that in mind for the next time I get …down down down.. The perspective is suddenly different. And life gets exciting again!